Let's go ahead and get this one out of the way right up front. It would haunt the blog otherwise: The #1 reason that Mormon Men inhibit the marriage process for all of us is that they are shallow.
This is a well-known fact and not one limited solely to Mormon Men. However, it causes a whole range of problems which will be addressed later on in this blog.
Because Mormon Men are shallow, they ignore the hundreds of beautiful, interesting, intelligent, available women and swarm to the one girl who walks in late to sacrament meeting in a skirt that is just a little too short.
On one hand, they can't help if their heads turn and follow that girl as she walks down the aisle, it's the way they are wired and probably the only reason any of them get married at all. However, they should be able to control the pathetic deer in headlights look as they swarm to get her number after the benediction.
This girl spent Saturday morning at the gym followed by a tiring mall trip with her roommates, figuring out if jeans can actually be "too tight." Righteous Rachel over there, just got back from Africa where she saved at least 45 malnourished children. And Humble Hannah just started a small non-profit which reforms delinquent students through ballroom dance. However, only one of these three had a date on Saturday night.
This is not a criticism of the girl. She is doing what she has to do. Heck, we all have a pair of tight jeans in case of an emergency, that's not the point. The point is that Mormon Men are shallow and they place more value on nice legs than intellect, courage or compassion.
Get out of the shallow water men. It's only going to satisfy you for so long. Those legs won't look so good in a few more years and you'll wish you had looked past that short skirt to the other amazing women in the room.
This is a well-known fact and not one limited solely to Mormon Men. However, it causes a whole range of problems which will be addressed later on in this blog.
Because Mormon Men are shallow, they ignore the hundreds of beautiful, interesting, intelligent, available women and swarm to the one girl who walks in late to sacrament meeting in a skirt that is just a little too short.
On one hand, they can't help if their heads turn and follow that girl as she walks down the aisle, it's the way they are wired and probably the only reason any of them get married at all. However, they should be able to control the pathetic deer in headlights look as they swarm to get her number after the benediction.
This girl spent Saturday morning at the gym followed by a tiring mall trip with her roommates, figuring out if jeans can actually be "too tight." Righteous Rachel over there, just got back from Africa where she saved at least 45 malnourished children. And Humble Hannah just started a small non-profit which reforms delinquent students through ballroom dance. However, only one of these three had a date on Saturday night.
This is not a criticism of the girl. She is doing what she has to do. Heck, we all have a pair of tight jeans in case of an emergency, that's not the point. The point is that Mormon Men are shallow and they place more value on nice legs than intellect, courage or compassion.
Get out of the shallow water men. It's only going to satisfy you for so long. Those legs won't look so good in a few more years and you'll wish you had looked past that short skirt to the other amazing women in the room.
Allow me to be the first to comment. As a guy, I agree with your post. It is common not only in society as a whole, but within the church. I myself have been guilty at times of this although I admit I've gotten better. So anyways, just wanted to say that there's at least one guy who admits to it and is working on it.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'm interested to see how this blog turns out. I would find it very intriguing to see two blogs giving their respective advice to help singles get out of their singleness.
P.S. There are 3 women in the picture.
DUH!!! Seriously if you wanna make this blog worth reading you need to make it funny! You just wasted the last 2 minutes of my life reading this boring blog.....good idea...bad post!
ReplyDeleteNot gonna lie. I assume this is a response to the Why Mormon Girls are Single blog. Unfortunately, you weren't nearly as entertaining to read. I suggest stepping it up a notch and be funny instead of just bitter! Otherwise, you were completely right.
ReplyDeleteSo if you're the one that's had 14 boyfriends, does that mean that you were the one these shallow men were interested in?
ReplyDeleteI would agree with the first comment. I to am a guy that has fallen victim to the quote un quote superficial girl. Although I have learned and have learned that personality is what makes us who we are. Now I also admit that we, the male species, are not perfect and deffinently have our flaws, I advise all to take matters into their own hands and make something of nothing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments and contructive criticism. You should know, though, that I'm not a comedian. I am a story teller. Although I do think that I'm pretty clever. I love Mormon Men. I can't get enough of them. So I probably won't be taking cheap shots for a laugh like "other" blogs. Instead, I have a vested interest in helping them overcome some of their more serious problems.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if you are looking for comedic cheap shots, you may want to waste your internet time on youtube instead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26uEZHm7prY
Bitter much?? You're not going to convince me by putting a derogatory label on every LDS male..
ReplyDelete"The #1 reason that Mormon Men inhibit the marriage process for all of us is that they are shallow."
"Because Mormon Men are shallow,..."
"The point is that Mormon Men are shallow.."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1vK6Lb27VY
ReplyDeleteWow, are you this girl??? lol
Forgive the anonymous post; I am at work and not in a position to get everything set up. I didn't realize it was such a bad thing to actually be attracted to my future spouse. Alas, I suppose I am one of the shallow ones then.
ReplyDeleteI must confess, I love mormon men, despite their shallowness. But therein lies the problem, no? I love them, they do not reciprocate, and I can't just up and change my face!
ReplyDeleteyou'd actually be surprised how many guys aren't like that. The girls with the short skirts may catch their attention first, but they dont end up lasting long in relationship. I dont know what guys you're hanging around, but that's your own fault for being around a bunch of tools
ReplyDeletenot a bad start I suppose. but, what makes the competing blog funny is that none of that stuff gets said. we hear about this in eq or from the bishopric at least monthly. fyi - we also know the evils of porn.
ReplyDeleteonto the topic at hand. somehow, "being shallow" has traditionally meant someone who values looks too much. that's pretty arbitrary.
i think being shallow extends to a lot of other things as well. for example, people who poke fun at others lack of intellect (i.e. the relentless attacks on the grammer of bloggers)
without getting into the whole nature v nouture debate, being a looker is as arbitary as being a genious. some people have it and others don't. however, you're shunned if you like looks, exalted if you like brains.
i'm not saying you can't work on your intellect, you certainly can and you should. but, you can work on your looks as well.
i can usually hold my own in the smarts department, but i'm an average looking dude. i'm aware of this. to compensate, i'm sure to spend some time picking out nicer clothes, hitting the gym, etc. in other words: I WORK AT IT.
in my opinion, i can call the girls who like me because of the stuff my brain easily understands (which happens to translate into a higher paying career) are just as shallow as the girls who go for the teeth bleaching, tanned summer bug boy.
i spend some extra time figuring out how to be more attractive and bug boy stays after class to get help with intro to economics.
I like it. :) Obviously, this is a generalization. If all mormon men were like this, then we'll be pretty hard pressed to find some general authorities in about 30 to 40 years. But I get your point, and it's unfortunate that so many LDS guys are just as shallow as the rest of the world.
ReplyDeleteThis is part of a comment that I left on the "other" blog:
ReplyDelete"The dudes need to take some responsibility for why there are any men in singles wards. You are drowning in high-quality women and you can't find one? Your penis does not work and you have issues. Stop blaming the women and recognize that Heidi Klum is not going to leave Seal, convert to Mormonism, start attending your ward, and think you are the hottest man she's ever seen. Pick one and skip along. Your penis is not special and you can find someone compatible who is a member.
There is no excuse for why a Mormon guy can't find a woman unless he's got issues. The women have fewer to select from, what's your excuse?"
How about a shallow, self centered, egotistical, asshole of a catholic guy.
DeleteOh, and I don't think the problem is that the guys are just shallow. The guys believe that only the best looking women are in their league. You'll see Quazimodo snubbing "average" women and trying to chase the hotties. Since a bunch of desperate sisters have inflated Quazi's ego by getting their low self-esteem hearts broken by him he now believes he is out of their league. In the world, Quazi would have a reality check and realize that although he would prefer the hottie she is out of his league.
ReplyDeleteYou know the saying there's a grain of truth to every joke? That's the attitude to take with the other blog. Yeah, it's funny, yeah it's got some cheap shots. But the message (for the most part) is to chill out. Skimming through the other blog, I didn't find any instances of making a personal attack (except maybe the sister missionary one, which I suspect was for controversy's sake). The vast majority of their posts are how to improve yourself. While they may say it in a way that's both funny and mean, they're saying something that usually needs to be said. Ease up on us guys, I KNOW we have some shallowness in our ranks, but face it, so do you. Good ideas on all three of your posts, but the devil's in the details, or in this case the delivery. And yeah the finger snapping thing is pretty annoying...
ReplyDeleteOh, and grow up, Anica. Your post is pretty much the definition of shallow. I'll take responsibility for why there are ANY men in singles wards - lots are still boys. We're learning, maturing, and adapting. You wouldn't want to marry a guy who's not the finished product yet, would you?
Brian, sorry if I offended you personally. My comment was a general observation.
ReplyDeleteFrom your comment, it sounds like you have excuses, too. It's a myth that you have to reach a certain level of development in order to get married. I would marry someone who isn't the finished product because we are all a work in progress. The key is finding someone who is compassionate toward your issues and where you are in your learning curve. I don't know one married man who doesn't act like a little boy at times.
So, yes, I would marry the unfinished product because maturing and adapting don't end--ever. Even in the next life we are still going to be maturing and adapting.
We don't need to be perfect people to get married we just need people who are perfect for us.
(No offense taken, to me or my penis.)
ReplyDeleteThen why harp on us "drowning in high quality women"? We're looking for that perfect-for-us person, just as you are.
Many men in the church have unrealistic expectations for that "perfect-for-us" person. We as women will stay with men who have porn addictions, drug addictions, rap sheets, you name it. Men in the Church will overlook you for being a returned sister missionary or having an odd first name as the "other" blog points out.
ReplyDeleteThat's the difference. The sisters end up lowering the bar while the guys keep raising it. And the guys think they can because they don't have the fear of scarcity like women do. They have plenty of active sisters to compare.
I'm trying to encourage the men to recognize that they may be overlooking women who are perfect for them because they're blindsided by their own unrealistic expectations.
Oh, and the penis comment was in relation to how if a man is truly practicing chastity and has a strong libido he should have a desire to get married--sooner rather than later. It would be safe to assume that he wouldn't make his standards so unattainable that he will put off marriage and therefore delay sexual relations.
ReplyDeleteI think you're overgeneralizing a wee bit. As I said before, I think the "men" you're talking about still have some growing up to do. Don't simplify to a gender, it gets stereotypical pretty fast.
ReplyDeleteA rose by any other name would smell as sweet. And if you went on a mission, I'm positive there are men in the church who are MORE interested in you because you've devoted your time and effort. Maybe you should be raising your standards as well (above the guys who would overlook a return missionary with an unconventional name). I (and I'm sure I'm not alone here) would be much more interested in a woman whose standards are above those with addictions/rap sheet.
The point of this blog is to generalize. And I generalized both the men and women. My opinion is based on my own experiences and confidences that others have shared with me. It is a generalization. If you want to me to comment about outliers I can, but that wouldn't be relevant to this blog.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm not a returned missionary, but I think it's ridiculous if someone wouldn't date someone for that reason.
Guys are shallow I agree, but let me explain the source of my shallowness -It's that I respect EFFORT!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's not just looks you guys!!! NO!!!! Y'all are missing the point! It's ALLLL about the EFFORT and CONSIDERATION. It's the confidence, the EFFORT, the CONSIDERATION of the opposite sex's NEEDS to feel attraction and affection!!! When you are doing your best, and you are confident in how you look THEN, you girls are irresistable!!! It's not the fact that a girl looks good, to me, it is the fact that she CARES and she SMART ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!
If you are unattractive, JUST DO YOUR BEST< IT IS SEXY TO SEE A GIRL DOING HER BEST WITH WHAT SHE'S GOT!!! A GUY WHO DOESN't RESPECT YOUR BEST IS A SHALLOW LOOOOOOSER!!!!
It's NOT the fact that a girl is FAT, it’s the fact that she doesn’t come across as thoughtful or devoted!!! -she hasn’t considered the opposite sex’s REAL NEEDS enough to actually do something about it, to even try to fix her weaknesses. JUST DO YOUR BEST< have a regular workout schedule, couple of times a week!!! IT:S NOT THAT HARDD!!!!!!!!! You spend plenty of time doing other things that are relatively USELESS!!!! Have a regular workout schedule and BE CONFIDENT KNOWING YOU'RE doing YOUR BEST!!! THIS IS what's really HOT to mature, future doctors like ME!!!
I hear spouses complain that the other is not attractive… and they both think they are the victims. So try to stay in shape and DON:T ACT LIKE THE VICTIM. Don't just pretend like you are healthy, BE HEALTHY!!!
IN MY VIEW being picky about this EFFORT is one of the best ways I can think of to avoid an unhappy marraige. This effort to be confident and look YOUR BEST shows you actually care about someone else’s needs and wants.
This makes it hard to find someone to date in LDS culture, most girls could care less.
I am a guy, former LDS and I totally agree with you! The shallowness of the singles wards (guys and also many girls) was something I just couldn't take anymore, among other things! I think I held the LDS church up to a higher standard during my few years in it, but I think that's okay considering the amazing things that the church claims: "one true church," "led by a prophet," "restored gospel, priesthood," etc... I got so annoyed with the unwelcoming LDS culture though. I'm 28 and unmarried (oh no, I must be a cursed menace or something!) and I gave up on the idea of an ideal married LDS life. The singles ward is too much like high school, and since I'm not rich and popular, I'm not getting anywhere, and I was sick of high school when I was in it, and I don't need that social situation again now!
ReplyDeleteI certainly was not a shallow LDS guy, but I was not going to put up with the shallowness and snobbishness of an entire group of people, and make myself miserable, just to be in the supposedely "true church." I know some LDS faithful will just throw the "The church is perfect, not the people. You're going to church for you, not others, etc....." sayings at you, but it's hard to remain faithful in such a miserable situation. I would even hear other guys talking about how they were only at church to find a woman and joking at the idea of being at church for the gospel and spiritual aspects of it! What a joke!
I moved here (to Utah) from Iowa thinking the people would be more upstanding, but everyone is just the same, accept in Utah, the obnoxious singles ward scene is how you meet your wife, and in Iowa, the nasty bar scene is how you do it. I'll pass on both of those avenues in finding a mate, thank you!
Get the heck out of Utah and a lot of your issues with the church will be solved. Members outside of that state are much different. Just sayin'...
Deleteso girls are workin out just to keep sum bloke happy,lol girl got to get paid,lol
ReplyDeleteI just think u get the wrong impression when u hear them speaking from the pulpit at church on Sunday or during priesthood meetings. You get this idea of them being these spiritual, inspired and particularly wise human beings. But then u see them in ordinary situations being just as jerks and douche bags as 'worldly guys". Where much is given much is required and i guess u would expect that people that claim they have more knowledge than others and hold the truth and are constantly guided by the spirit would act different and be more profound. The truth is there is nothing particularly wise about Mormon men and that's the ugly truth. They are shallow just like every other worldly man and that is just disappointing.
ReplyDeleteNow don't get me wrong,i admit there's always exceptions but that's the general trend.
I agree with you about Mormon guys, but just for the record, Mormon girls are extremely shallow themselves.
ReplyDeleteIf you think the young single adult scene is bad, it gets worse in the mid-singles scene. You will not get asked out unless you look like a freaking model AND are of the same culture. Trust me on this one. There are many beautiful women in our ward, but only the most attractive (usually blond, skinny, looks-like-they-workout types AND who belong to the white Mormon culture) are the ones dating. I consider myself average looking, but slender and I dress to impress. I make sure to show love, kindness, confidence, etc. (you name it, everything under the stars), but I still fall short for two reasons. 1) My average looks doesn't cut it, 2) and even though I'm white and speak perfect English, I'm still Hispanic with a Foreign name. I just don't cut it in the physical beauty department AND Mormon white culture. I have not been asked out since I joined the church 8 years ago. Mormon men are indeed very shallow and racist when it comes to mate selection (e.g. he can't fathom marrying a Hispanic woman even if she is white and speaks perfect English. She's still Hispanic. Can't have that. It's the truth. Trust me on this one). Most Mormon men and women (but especially men) will not look outside of their 2 mile radius of what they are use to. Oftentimes, if they were in a serious relationship that didn't work, they get stuck in what I call the girl-that-got-away syndrome, where they continue to look for the same type of girl in other women (if she looks like her, talks like her, acts like her, etc). Divorce men are the worse offenders in this respects and many are not even aware of it. Again, trust me on this one. Maturity level is key and in the mid-singles scene, the immaturity continues, which is why Church leaders are not keen on creating midsingles ward, but find it necessary because of the growing number of midsingles. Hope this information helps. The older growd is not any better and it gets even more difficult with time. So grow up now if you can, look outside your 2 mile radius, try not to be too shallow when dating, and you might actually find someone!
ReplyDeleteWell a married mormon man wanted to carry on an affair with me and then said satan made him do it- Seriously what a cop out
DeleteI'm a white mormon woman happily married to the kindest, most hard working, deeply spiritual Hispanic guy out there. Like him so much, made 5 of the cutest babies known to man with him. And, uh, they're all pretty brown just like their hot dad! Haven't had any problems at church with it...
DeleteU r rare 85% of mormon are white anyway.
DeleteThis post nailed everything that's wrong with Mormon dating.
ReplyDeleteI've dated both LDS and non-LDS guys. The LDS guys assumed they knew everything about me based on how I looked. The non-LDS guys were actually interested in getting to know me as a person, and were more open-minded when it came to realizing that there are different kinds of beauty in the world. The non-LDS guys seem to know that there are many beautiful women in this world who don't fit the blonde-haired/blue-eyed/size 2/Wasatch Front, Utah perception of beauty model that LDS guys are so fixated on.
It's always sad to see LDS guys fall head-over-heels for the woman who looks the prettiest... but only has her looks to offer. Those looks end up fading away and then the man finds himself in a world of hurt. I could write a novel about all the LDS guys I've seen who've married a woman based on how pretty she was, only to find themselves in the breadwinner, housekeeper, bill payer, carpool driver, lunch packer, homework helper, dinner maker, organizer, planner roles - basically these men have to be MOM AND DAD - because all the woman could do was sit around and look pretty.
While I agree that the person you marry should be attractive to you, I wish LDS men would realize that looks are ephemeral and that they should be looking much deeper than "is she pretty?" and "do her legs look good in skinny jeans?" when it comes to choosing their eternal partner.