Seriously guys, you may as well take out a cardboard cut out of Keira Knightley instead of subjecting a real woman to a monologue of your CV. She will be just as impressed and you will still have something pretty to look at while you talk.The problem originated with most Mormon Men, post-mission. They were socially awkward and didn't really have anything to talk about. So they fell back on mission stories to get them through and hoped they were sufficiently impressive.
ie. Guy just returned from his mission and he and his roommates plan a group date to go mini-golfing and get shakes. While at the shake shack, Guy & his roommates begin telling mission stories and doing that thing where they wave their hand up and down and make a snapping noise with their fingers. (This action deserves an entire post to itself so I won't go into it here.) Guy hopes his cute date will pick up on how much he loved his mission. (Mostly by saying, "Dude! I loved the mish!" over and over.) He also hopes that she will be impressed by the fact that he extended and was AP for five months. He regrets not having pictures on hand, but is glad that the roommates served in Latin America as well, so they can all converse in Spanish during the night about how the date is going.
Subsequently, the girl is mysteriously "busy" all the time.
After a few of these disastrous dates, you would think this Guy would learn his lesson. However, it just gets worse. The Guy is smart enough to see a pattern of bored women, but he still misses the point. He doesn't realize that the women are bored because they haven't had a chance to say a word all night; He still assumes that the more he talks about his accomplishments, the more into him she will become.
The problem continues into post-graduate and professional life. At the end of his typical date, the woman knows the following about him:
1. his job
2. his major
3. his cumulative gpa
4. how prestigious his law school is
5. how prestigious his law firm is
6. how much he makes
7. how much he makes in comparison to his roommates
8. how much money he raised on the Mitt Romney campaign
9. his political views
10. why his political views are better than those of the guy she went out with last week
11. how good he is with children
12. how much he loves his mother
At the end of his typical date, he knows the following about the woman:
1. her first name
Women don't want to be talked at. Learn how to have a conversation. Ask questions about her. Your credentials will speak for themselves and she will be impressed that you actually care about who she is and not just what she looks like. (see post #1)
WHY do they always have to speak in their mission language!!!!! BAAAAAA!!!! Don't they realize how much we HATE that?! I mean, it's tolerable if they are like teaching you one cute phrase that they have a fondness or funny story to go along with, but they should never speak with their roommates if effing Portuguese while you are sitting right there!! To quote Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!" This has happened to me multiple times in Provo, and in my hometown. And the stupid boys think it's funny! Also, don't go trying to teach me the language in depth. It is so not interesting to me to talk about conjugations over my overwhelming plate at Tucano's. If I wanted to learn, I would take a class, or go to Brazil. I get it, you loved your mission. OK, moving on, maybe you might want to know something about me? Well, you should probably know, I'm a vegetarian.
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of your comments, but please make it funny and interesting. Don't be so blunt.
ReplyDeleteSo according to some of the comments - the guys can't handle the truth in such a serious manner. Apparently it freaks them out. Sounds like if you really want them to listen, you've got to make it funny and less intense. Typical.
ReplyDeleteI hate that finger snapping thing! It drives me CRAZY! It is honestly the stupidest looking thing those silly boys could do. I always feel like they are going to lose control of their arms and smack me in the face! If you have to snap, do it like a normal person, PLEASE!
ReplyDeletePlease, please please post an article about that stupid finger snap thing that half the guys in church do. I am a guy and I despise it, I think it is the dumbest thing that we have come up with and can't understand why people still do it. When someone around me pulls that stunt, I just have to stare and say "Seriously?"
ReplyDeleteI see a pattern of bored readers.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I like it. :) If these guys are trying to show off their spiritual depth by bringing up their missions repeatedly, like you said, "Dude, I loved the mish," then that's a little too much like doing good works to be seen of men. Not to mention it's a little insecure.
ReplyDeleteErin Marie, I love your comment. :) Way funny.
Love the comments from offended guys claiming that this blog is harsh - and the excuses for the awkward RMs.
ReplyDeleteHello whymormongirlsstaysingle. You think that because there is occasional humor mixed with his writing that it makes it all better? The writer of that blog is far from mastering satire (you want a blog that makes fun of a group witout being offensive, check seriouslysoblessed - there, the humor takes away from the the accusations) and offends lots of people...
Everything this blog says is TRUE, she is never RUDE to one particular person, it is very GENERAL and applies to many many many men...
It may not be your fault that you are awkward post-mission (at first, after a few months, surely you have done something else exciting to talk about. And, the excesively talking to each other in another language in never ok)... but it is a contributing factor as to why there are so many singles still out there.
I applaud you, Molly :)
Miss molly mormon you provide a great insight and I agree that self-centered conversations are not the way to win girls and influence dates. I have only one dissenting comment: We often reminisce on how much we loved our missions even when no girls are present. The mission experience is so influential, so precious, so unique it is hard to not often think on how special it was. In no way does this excuse poor conversational etiquette. I just wanted to point out that the reminiscing is not always for the purpose of pretentious boasting
ReplyDeletePoint well taken, jeff. I enjoy a good mission story every once in a while if it is applicable to the conversation or explains something significant about the guy. Reminisce away.
ReplyDeleteThis is lame and unfunny compared to WMGSS
ReplyDeleteWhat's the finger snap thing? Is that new? I don't think I've ever seen it...
ReplyDeleteAs for the mission language thing...that's just awkward. Maybe I'm just jealous because there's never any RM's around to speak French with, but how socially inept do you have to be to purposefully exclude your dates from the conversation?