Guys. We already talked about how you aren't very good at applying this principle to the more delicate gender, but you are halfway there! Props on being able to apply it to yourselves. Seriously. Walk into any large singles ward and you will see a host of beautiful glammed-out women (they don't call it a fashion show for nothing) and a smattering of balding men who haven't seen a gym in years.
Mormon Men were taught from an early age to develop their inward beauty, and that is fantastic, we love you for it and we are trying to work with what we've got. Most of us marry down, looks-wise, and we've had to accept that. But please, throw us a bone. We know we are hotter than you, it's obvious. Non-Mormon Men (who regularly visit gyms) are picking up on us every day and when they find out we are boyfriend-less, they think you are crazy. No wonder so many of us are trying the "flirt-to-convert" method. We may not be as shallow as you, but we would still like something pretty to look at over dinner.
Swallow your pride and invest more in your personal grooming. Just buy those tweezers. It's time for that unibrow to go. And then leave the tweezers casually by the bathroom sink so your roommates can secretly use them too. This would be a huge favor to all of us. And (do I dare suggest this?) perhaps you could get a pedicure every once in a while. No need for paint, just some professional help. The "who-has-the-nastiest-feet" competition has always been a huge turn-off. No one is going to speak up and say, "oh, your feet really aren't that bad," because face it, they are.
Also, if you are going to take your role as a protector seriously, you will need to start working out on a regular basis. (Saturday morning church-ball doesn't count.) Hit the gym. Lift some weights. Get a little meat on those bones (or get it off.) You can bet that the girl you've been eyeing during Sunday School has a well-used gym membership. Maybe you'll see her there. We know you can't help the balding, or the "boy smell", but please do something to make your outsides as beautiful as your insides.
Of course there are the guys who are the opposite of this--they have a gym membership, or have nice eyebrows, or whatever, and then think that that qualifies them as God's gift to women.
ReplyDeletePsh, come on girls we need to give credit to the middle ground. Unless I am fabulously lucky, and trust me I am not, there are a couple of clean shaven, clean cut hotties in my ward. They recognize that they are not a present to womankind. Too bad none of them will ask me out.....
ReplyDeleteAmen. Guys pluck your eyebrow. I always had to teach every guy I dated how to dress well and to pluck their brow. I have made the girls they are with very happy. True, you can't 'change' a guy atleast in the personality department but they will listen if you make them look/smell good.
ReplyDeleteYawn!
ReplyDeleteSo... statisticaly speaking, do you think there are a higher proportion of flabby, unibrow clad mormon men in comparision to the general population? I think you need to open your eyes. This isn't a blog about Mormon men, but just men in general. I haven't seen anything specifically directed to Mormons except the entry about returned missionaries speaking about their missions. Um, after two years of being in their own little world, what else do you think they would have to talk about??? Oh and was that what they were doing on their missions anyway, talking? It is completely naive to think that they would act differently. Give it time.
ReplyDeleteYes, maybe for like the first month that would be acceptable, but when they've been home for six years, then obviously giving it time didn't work.
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ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous III: much of what's on whymormongirlsstaysingle is about women in general. Or could be. The post on too much makeup? Textual relationships? Tights-wearing girls, bad breath, burping, making dates wait, "stubble trouble," Twilight, I could go on and on. The posts there are often about problems every girl has, but that mormon girls also suffer from. And if this blog is a response, I think Molly's doing a fair job.
ReplyDeleteIf these guys are letting themselves go because they "know" it's what's inside that counts, then shouldn't they be less shallow? :)
Last time I was in the church cultural hall watching "church ball," I couldn't help but think to myself, "There sure are a lot of fat balding dudes in here!" And yes, they were all single...but had the bellies of happily married man.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately weight does not discriminate when it comes to gender. And let's point out something pretty obvious...as members of the Church, we eat...and we are all pretty fat in general. A study out of BYU compared members of the church to members of other churches and found that we are 14 percent more likely than nonmembers to be obese. By gender:18 percent for men, and 9 percent for women. It could be that we don't smoke, don't drink, don't have healthy dating/sexual relationships, and turn to food for our fix. (How many of your uncles are addicted to Big Gulps? They drink their own weight in soda weekly. May they develop kidney stones before diabetes)
Here is the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11355738/
Without telling me names or details sufficient for me to know identities, two separate Bishops told me of Sisters coming into their offices complaining that their P Blessings state that they would be married, and that the Lord has not delivered...He then dropped the bomb-shell on me when he said, they don't realize that they are 30 or so pounds away from marriage. I'm sure that wasn't expressed to the girls in that way...but it is true. And the same could be said about guys...although girls are more likely to overlook weight then men are...
Before you think that guys are pigs for being overly concerned with weight...please try to understand us. We are wired differently than you girls are. We are visual. More so than you are...much more so. We are predominantly wired for sight when it comes to attraction...and you are wired for emotional attraction linked to touch with a little visual piece. If you think about the two different ways we are wired and a wholesome marriage, they work together. Of course there is so much more that goes into a healthy relationship than wiring...but you get the point.
So, when I see a girl who is overweight bordering on obese, my honest thought is, "if she is like this now when she is single and has more discretionary time, what is she going to do when we are swamped with a small fam, work, etc? Is she going to explode on me?" I'm sorry if I sound totally shallow, but I'm just being honest. And so, for me, that would prevent me from dating some girls.
In full disclosure...I do workout consistently each week in and out of the gym and try to eat 5 fruits and veggies daily.
(Random thought: A previous commenter stated that some guys think they are God's gift to women...I think that is a misnomer...They really think you are God's reward for them...which is pretty selfish. If you think about it, any quality relationship is built on service one to another, so if a guy really believed he was God's gift to you, he would serve you and try to make you happy. And it would be awesome if you thought of yourself in the same way.)
Sorry Anonymous, but just because someone works out consistently and eats 5 fruits and veggies daily does not mean they are going to be that 30 lbs less the bishop or guy thinks they should be. I can't believe a Bishop would disclose that type of info to another person. What is said in a Bishop's office is confidential regardless of if they do or do not give names because you could easily go pick out those girls in the ward. Maybe you both should read the shallow post too.
ReplyDeleteGuys dont have a clue what we say when we say "God's gift to women". It does not mean that women are God's reward for them; it means that men think they are the best thing in this world and despite what you say, most dont give that extra amount of service to a girl. I agree the best way to build a relationship is to serve one another, but that has nothing to do with what God's gift to women means. Most guys I knew and still know float around the single's ward(even though they are 28 and balding) asking out the chicks that just graduated from high school who are not even an ounce interested!
I'm sorry for noting giving more information about my discussion with that Bishop. The discussion occurred in conjunction with a Stake effort to understand what was happening among the YSA's...their issues, etc. The sharing was in complete anonymity and was only to a select group. Me sharing here is similar to examples given in talks, where you can undersatnd the situation without knowing the people involved. I'm sorry I made it sound like the Bishop just pulled me aside to tell me that...
ReplyDeleteI assume you are concerned for the 28 year old balding man...you should be congratulated for having concern for him and not bitterness over him not dating you. He obviously is out of touch with reality and is shooting for girls not only out of his league but girls who were 10 when he graduated from high school...
Can we agree that there are different types...even a scale on which to base compatability? Even if I'm a 5 and I marry a 5, then we would consider each other 10's through love, right? Don't try to tell me you haven't thought about it...why else would it matter if a balding guy went after a younger girl?
holy
ReplyDeleteAnyone know why the blog why mormon girls stay single is now private?
ReplyDeleteI noticed that it was private on Saturday, but I got on today. It looks like they were just doing site maintenance.
ReplyDeleteI don't know which ward you're going to, but let me in. I'm surrounded by heifers.
ReplyDeleteCareer women are really keeping many of us Good men Single do to their Greed And Selfishness that they carry around with them Everywhere they go Unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteI really hope Scott isn't one of those pot-bellied, unkempt, "high school is my highest degree and that should be good enough for you!" men out there. I see so many men like that in the church who have the gall to call women "heifers" and hold them to physical standards that are often impossible without surgery.
ReplyDeleteI know I stumbled on this 8 years too late, but I'm SO GLAD someone had the guts to say what all the other single LDS women are thinking: if the women are going to be lectured about taking care of their weight and physical appearance, then the men should be too. I'm so tired of being lectured by bishoprics and men in the Elders Quorum about how physically perfect I have to be, and how hard I have to work to keep a man satisfied, yet he doesn't owe me the same courtesy because he's "wired" differently than I am.
Contrary to the ignorant and sexist stereotype that exists out there, women DO care about physical attraction - not to the extent that men do - but as a woman, I'm just as deserving of having a nice man that I'm physically attracted to as men are deserving of a woman who pleases them in the same way. I don't deny biology, but I do think LDS men use it as an excuse to be picky and to hold out for the unattainable. I've dated both LDS men and non-LDS men, and the non-LDS men came off as less judgmental and more open to accepting all different kinds of beauty (shapes, sizes, colors, etc.) than LDS men were. LDS men have a very rigid and narrow definition of what beauty is and what makes a woman beautiful.
I also agree that those bishop's words mentioned in the earlier comment were uncalled for. The non-LDS men I've dated have told me how screwed up that mentality is; and the bishop of my parents' family ward found that equally vile when I told him the same thing. Those comments about the weight of the single sisters should never have been mentioned. It is not a bishop's business what a woman chooses to do with her body. At all.
"So, when I see a girl who is overweight bordering on obese, my honest thought is, 'if she is like this now when she is single and has more discretionary time, what is she going to do when we are swamped with a small fam, work, etc? Is she going to explode on me?' I'm sorry if I sound totally shallow, but I'm just being honest. And so, for me, that would prevent me from dating some girls."
ReplyDeleteFair enough, but when I see a guy who is overweight or morbidly obese, my honest thought is: "If he's like this now when he is single and has more discretionary time, what is going to do when we are swamped with a small family, work (it's the men who are actually sitting on their butts behind a desk all day while the women are chasing the kids around, so you automatically lose points there, buddy), etc? Is he going to explode on me?"
I'm sorry if I sound totally shallow, but I'm just being honest. And so, for me, that would prevent me from dating some guys.
Moral of the story: don't chastise women for being overweight and for not meeting your physical standards for beauty when you men don't do the same for us. It's on our minds too, whether you want it to be or not.
"Without telling me names or details sufficient for me to know identities, two separate Bishops told me of Sisters coming into their offices complaining that their P Blessings state that they would be married, and that the Lord has not delivered...He then dropped the bomb-shell on me when he said, they don't realize that they are 30 or so pounds away from marriage."
ReplyDeleteThat may be true, but I have to wonder if those bishops would've said the same thing about single men in that situation.
If not, then those bishops need to take a long, hard look at themselves and ask why that is.
It's also very aggravating as a woman to be lectured about not being hung up on looks or physical attraction (newsflash: women are visual too and want to be attracted to their husbands as well) when it's common knowledge that LDS men in particular prioritize appearances over substance... and then these men wonder why they find themselves so happy and disillusioned in their own marriages later on.
But that's none of my business.
Meant to say unhappy, not happy.
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